My Birth Story

10th of May 2013. That was the date where i experienced the love and bliss of a new mother. The feeling was indescribable and it was really powerful.

I had the most sleep that night before, because of the comfort I was feeling on my belly. I could not feel any pressure or pain at all. I could feel tiny movements of baby Sammie but there weren't as strong as before. I dare not even think what does that mean. I woke up early to meditate and pray for that day. I needed all the inner strength for that day.

It was also the morning where tears just fall from my eyes, I couldn't control it. They just flow just like that and I allow them to.

At 7.30am, we went for a second scan with Dr Ricardo. He wanted to give us his opinion about what was going to happen. He looked at my wounds and offered to changed the strips, he told the nurse to get scissors whereby he could cut the strips to the right size. He told the nurse that if you want to do something, you got to do it right. Wow, I was impressed. It was those little things that make a difference.

When he saw baby, he confirmed that shunt didn't work and that my fluid around baby is decreasing at an alarming rate. It just means that baby has been taking in all the fluid but not urinating them. There was no recycling of fluid and if we do not deliver baby as soon as possible, she might not survive. Her kidneys were shutting down. However, I choose to concentrate that her heart rate is still very strong. She's a true fighter given her condition.

I was sad, truly sad, i had a little hope that morning, the shunt would magically unblock itself and everything will be well. However, I knew I had to accept the reality of it not working and look forward with faith.

Dr Ricardo said that if this baby survives, she would be a miracle. I had mixed feelings when I heard it. What are the chances I may have a still birth, or that the paediatricians could not save her after she's born? Will she be able to breathe or cry? How would she look like?

He said we should prepared to see a baby which is really swollen and that it is not a pretty sight.

His opinion was to deliver the baby and let the paediatricians save her and it would be her willpower to live.

The paediatrician, Dr Lisa Fox came and visit me the day before and talked to me. Hubby wasn't there. She asked me what I know about hydrothorax and what I know to expect. I told her what I knew. She told me that there are many uncertainties and she can't promise that baby will survive as it really depends on the situation and her condition. As we haven't find out the cause of this condition, it's hard to tell how serious it was. She said that it could be days or months that she would need to be in NICU, neonatal intensive care unit. I told her it's ok, and thank god I live close by. I joked and she said I view life as a glass half full. She also mentioned that there is a chance that I may not be able to feed her with my breast milk due to her condition as it may cause an accumulation of fluid in her chest based on her experience. I received all this information before the surgery and I feel very lucky that I am getting all this support I need and fully accept the reality and go with it, ride the waves.

I know that they have the experience to deal with hydrothorax/hydropic baby and I learnt to really appreciate and focus on the positive of that.

After the scan, Dr Ricardo attended a roundtable meeting with the rest of the doctors, including Dr Nicole, Dr Carin Black and Dr Emily (the obstetricians that will be performing the C-Section) and the rest of the Fetal management unit red team. They decided that the best thing to do was to go with the surgery.

Dr Emily came to the ward and broke the news to us and that they could do it in the next hour! At that time, I didn't feel scared, no fear, it was weird, I found a sense of peace, like I knew everything will be alright no matter what was the outcome because we have tried our best. I choose to not resist but go with it.

I think God wouldn't give us a challenge that we couldn't handle. There must be something I could learn from this experience. He must have other plans for me, to have Sammie enter into this world to celebrate Mother's Day with me. I believe that we have done everything we could to save her and we have made all the right decisions, there were no regrets. I gave her the increased chance of survival. Anything that happens after this, I leave it to the God, Angels, Buddha, Mother Mary, Kuan Yin, just the higher self that I have knowledge of.

I changed into a gown, and was driven to the holding bay for surgery. I told myself that I am going to meditate throughout the whole surgery and remain calm, positive and hopeful. She is already a gift and miracle to me. I told myself that I am in good hands and the surgery will go well. Caesarean section comes with its list of risk as well as it is a major abdominal surgery. The worse case would be losing my uterus. Why do doctors have to tell you all the risks, it creates so much fear! I decided to not think too much and focus on being positive. I admit that the surgery was not the my preferred choice of birth experience. I had even booked in for a calm birth class on the 12th and 18th of May, thinking that I would love to empower myself to give birth drug free and calmly. This was another thing that I had to let go of my wants and do what's best in that situation. All I wanted was to ensure that Samantha was safe.

They say "Mothers lay down life to bring forth life". How true isn't it?

At the holding bay, they did whatever necessary to prepare me for the surgery. Hubby changed into a gown as well as he will be there with me. I was then took into the theatre and given a spinal block for pain relief. The aesthetician voice was comforting and reassuring, they told me I was doing well in remaining still. One of them held my hand tightly as hubby wasn't allowed in when they did that.

They tested if the pain relief was working with ice, I can't feel any sensations from my rib cage down to my toes. My hands were shaking, it was uncontrollable, although I tried to control it but it just violently shake due to the pain relief. The aesthetician comforted me and told me that it was normal.

I closed my eyes and started with my visualisation and meditation. I just imagined myself being healed and my baby being saved and happy and healthy. The more I visualise, my heart rate settles down, my muscles relaxed, I felt the strength, calmness and peace. I was tuned in to my inner self and taken to a safe place.

Dr Emily and Dr Carin started on the surgery. Hubby came in and held my hand and kissed me and said many reassuring words. We couldn't see anything because it was blocked by a cloth. I couldn't feel any pain, just movements, I keep telling myself, I trust these doctors. Hubby sang to me, our song, Endless love. It was romantic, I am so blessed to have him as my husband, my pillar of strength.

At 10.26am, Samantha Seow came into the world in a fashionable way. Dr Carin held her up and everyone told me to look up, I opened my eyes and immediately fell in love. It was only 30 seconds, but it was special, I could feel the connection. Hubby was in tears by then. I was feeling sleepy and all I wanted to do was to keep praying and keep visualising healing light radiating from my heart to Samantha's, hoping that my energy will protect her. I didn't want to be helpless, I just want to send all the positive thoughts I have inside to her to help her. They told me she's doing well and 7 baby doctors were saving her. Before I know it, they told me the good news, she's safe, they have managed to keep her alive.

Dr Lisa Fox, the main doctor who saved Sammie walked over and told me everything was successful and she responded well.

Thank you. That's the first thing that came to my mind. My prayers were finally being answered. Probably I had meant to see Samantha early. Hubby went to take pictures with her and followed baby up to NICU while I was brought to recovery bay for monitoring. They gave me constant painkillers and took me to Level 4 and gave me a private room within the Royal Women's hospital. I feel blessed as I know I would want some privacy given what I would be going through in the days to come. The midwives made me comfortable and taught me how to express my colostrum and collect it with a syringe.

Hubby told me later on that the doctors actually took a lot effort to stabilise her at her incubator at NICU. They were all sweating and I am so blessed to have all these doctors and nurses and medical research and facilities ready for us. I thanked the government for providing the funding for research and to the hospital. As a public patient, I was covered and didn't require to pay a thing.

My birth was calm. Although a lot of things were out of my control, I still think I was able to choose to have faith and be calm throughout. I am very proud of myself, I know i deserve the good and I can manifest anything if I sincerely and truly want it.

Hubby came back with fresh chicken essence and red dates tea and told me not to drink water. I am extremely grateful for him. He really took charge and took care of me, he became a great provider. He wanted the best for me, for me to recover well. For any chinese women, after birth, you have an opportunity to reset your health, be renewed as a new women if you do take care and eat well, take all the necessary herbs for recovery. I know he will become the best father for Samantha.

I know that my journey as a mom from now on would not be an easy one and I know I can seek help as much as I can and be strong for my lil precious daughter. I know I can do it. She's sick and although it hurts my heart to see her that way, I am very proud of her for wanting to live. I found my strength that I never knew I had and i think that's love, mother's love for a child, to protect her, nurture and keep her safe. I found a deeper sense of respect to all mothers and especially my own mom.

I AM A MOM! it feels great. I am happy. Thank you. She's my miracle and all is well in our world.

There can be miracles when you believe. :-)

This article was sent to my email in the perfect time, space sequence which truly explains what I feel.

Don't interrupt a miracle in progress: Article by Mastin, Daily Love, 18th May 2013 Rise above and choose love:

The beautiful thing about the human mind is that each one of us has an opportunity to train our minds like a champion. We can CHOOSE to align our thoughts with thoughts of Love, Peace, Compassion, Non-Judgment, etc. Or we can CHOOSE to align our thoughts with fear, lack, separation and the like. When we choose to align our thoughts and actions with Love, we tap into a wisdom much greater than our mind can comprehend.

All of us were born out of a Loving and Connected Uni-verse. We were birthed from an intelligence that we cannot understand, yet we feel intuitively. When we surrender our will and understanding to that subtle voice within, we sign up for an AWESOME and EPIC adventure. We won't know what's going to happen next, but we know that we will always be taken care of.

The first thing that usually happens when we surrender is that the shit literally hits the fan. Time and time again, whether we are consciously or unconsciously walking on The Path, the shit will hit the fan. Our limited perspective from our minds will want to see moments like this as bad, negative and horrible. It's only natural. When something tragic, unplanned or painful happens, it makes total sense to see that event as a negative. BUT - because we have NO idea what is going to happen in the next moment or in the next year as a result of these seeming disasters, we cannot, if we are tapped into Love, label them as bad, negative or disasters.

The mind that is aligned with Love simply observes these circumstances and chooses not to label them. We feel the feelings that come with each circumstance, but we do not let them define us or keep us stuck in a rut. We let the feelings come and go like a gust of wind - unattached and aware.

Because we do not know what is going to happen next, if we choose to prevent or resist the present moment, we may actually be interrupting and stopping a miracle in progress.

EVERY time something has gone to shit in my life, it's turned out even better. This is because I choose to see every seeming disaster as Grace and then take empowered action from that place of thinking.

Consider that when things are falling apart in your life that it is actually Grace and celebrate the end of a chapter in your life and ride the wave so you can be reborn, smarter, wiser and with even more Love and Understanding in your heart.

Choose to see even THIS MOMENT as a miracle in progress, and then get out of your own way.